


Brilliance

by dustywings



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 06:24:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11075874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustywings/pseuds/dustywings
Summary: ‘It's lovely.’Levi raises his brows. ‘What is?’‘The way you think.’





	Brilliance

When Hanji is bored, the Scouts tend to suffer for it.

After all, it’s one thing to ask Scouts at random whether they would like to participate in an experiment not _entirely_ safe, but certainly of particular interest. Which _may_ involve blood, or _pain_ , and perhaps death, who knows, the point is that it’s for the greater good, so why not? However, it’s another thing to suddenly blurt out in the middle of dinner how _fascinating_ it is that Titans are unable to defecate when one would assume they have the same, if not similar, vital organs as Humans do so what is it that Titans have that we don’t, or, to be more precise, what is it that Humans have that Titans don’t, and what with their anatomy _also_ sharing similar qualities to ours, why is it not necessary for Titans to defecate–

Eventually Levi might spare his squad from further trauma. This usually involves _physically_ dragging Hanji away from the room, or attempting to switch her mind onto another topic which is _far_ , _far_ from the godforsaken one-sided discussion on whether or not Titans ever need to _relieve_ themselves.

This evening, Levi walks into their office, and discovers a Titan’s head, trapped in ice in a large glass container, literally placed on his desk. Eyes wide, jaw open, and staring _right at him_. On _his_ desk. In _his_ office.

‘The _fuck_ , Hanji?’

‘Oh! Captain,’ she says pleasantly, ‘I didn’t see you come in.’

Bashing his skull against the wall might be more productive than trying to ask what the Hell she’s trying to achieve. 

Levi grimaces at the Titan head on his desk, and watches while she scribbles notes and inspects her, um, _participant_. 

Levi sighs. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Blue.’

‘... Blue?’

‘Yes.’ Hanji squints at the Titan head. ‘When we die, we turn blue.’

Levi rolls his eyes. ‘ _Right_.’

‘Why, then, do Titans not?’

‘Probably because they decompose before they get a chance to turn blue?’

‘Wrong,’ she says, grinning ear-to-ear. Hanji stands. ‘Oh, this is _fabulous_. You know, lately I’ve been really _invested_ in whether a Titan’s blood circulation–because they have one, I’m sure–could be, in any way, similar to ours.’ Levi pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘Now, if that were the case, I would expect the blood to stop circulation at death and, therefore, they would turn blue, but, _look_.’

She turns to him.

‘ _Look_.’

‘Yes, I’m looking.’

‘It’s _pink_. Pink.’ 

‘You’ve kept it in ice. It’s going to stay pink, unless–’

‘But, like you said, Levi, Titans decompose, and they decompose fast. _Such a shame_. So, in order to halt the decomposing, I just thought, _well_ , when we lose a finger or a foot or even our own _heads–_ ’

‘Get to the point.’

‘Ice! Cold. Fridge. _Yes_. I got it!’

‘What?’

Hanji laughs, excited and giddy, and bursting with energy. She grabs Levi by the hand, and pulls him towards the Titan head. ‘They bleed, and they’re warm blooded, just like we are. _And_ , I have just discovered, if we stop the decomposition, we have to put their limbs in ice, in order to know what colour they turn, but, the thing is, they would turn the same colour as we do. If I were to put a Titan hand in ice, that would also stay pink, and–’ she gasps, ‘–I need to do that.’

Of course he has to appreciate her fascination and the fact she knows more about Titans than anybody else, but Levi can’t help but notice the fact there _is_ a Titan head–which, by the way, measures around 5 feet at least– _on his fucking desk_ , which was spick and span this morning before he left, _and_ before Hanji felt it completely _reasonable_ to pull up a floorboard, and _ruin_ his office.

Fuck.

‘You _need_ to get that _head_ off my desk.’

‘But, I–’

Levi grabs her shoulders, and forces her to look at him. ‘I’m only going to ask once.’

‘I _know_ , Levi, but I’ve only just _started_.’

Okay. This isn’t going anywhere. He slowly closes his eyes in a mixture of pain and defeat. Releases her. ‘Fine. Whatever.’ Levi turns to the door, and allows Hanji to return to her work. If he has to listen to anymore of her babbling, he might actually consider ripping off his own head too. ‘Are you hungry? I’m heading to the messroom.’

‘Nope, I’m good.’

‘All right.’ He turns to leave.

‘You can bring back some of that soup they make, though.’

‘They only provide that on Mondays.’

‘It’s Monday?’

‘Good _bye_ , Hanji.’

 

 

 

 

Since he was a very young boy, Levi has been comfortable with silences. Although, sometimes, the quiet can absolutely _kill him_. The trauma rots in his brain, and feels like pincers, rummaging and _digging_ into the very depths of his nightmares. The quiet can be dangerous for him, because the quiet allows him to think, and really _think_ , before it’s too late, and he’s thinking about how _fucked_ the world is, how it looked when his best friend was eaten to death, and how–

_Breathe_. That is her advice, and, bizarrely, it does actually work.

Levi doesn’t waste time with breathing. He’s aware that it’s a natural, and _fairly_ crucial activity which Humans _do_ , but to actually stop, and focus on _breathing_ is such a funny and _weird_ thing to focus on.

Although, lately, breathing has been a lot easier when he’s around her. When there aren’t any Titans to kill, and she doesn’t have some whacky experiments displayed across the room for her to obsess over – it’s easy to _breathe_.

When it’s only them, and he’s on his back, and they’re naked, and she’s on top of him, hands pressed to his chest, and it’s good, and it’s nice, and he can _breathe_ with each stroke of her movements and–

Hanji is distracted again. Levi groans in frustration and impatience. ‘Wh–What _is it_?’

She’s not looking at him, which he’s not keen on. It means he’s no longer the centre of her attention, and while he’s not particularly _needy_ for her attention, he does enjoy it when he wants it.

‘I wonder if they feel death.’

‘What?’

‘I wonder if they’re still in there. The people they used to be.’

Levi swallows. Frankly, he’s not sure if Titans can recall their past selves, and, _frankly_ , he can’t think about that right now. 

‘Oh.’ He averts his gaze. ‘I, uh– _doubt it_.’

There's a long pause. 

She looks down at him, then, with this serious expression because discussing Titan psychology is far more pressing than the fact they're currently tangled up in each other. 

‘What makes you say that?’

And she's genuinely interested in his opinion. 

Levi blinks. 

It's odd. How she does this to him. Make him feel mortal, an entity with a soul, a man with a voice. 

Someone who _feels_.

It is a gift which he will never take for granted. 

‘Because if we entertain the idea that they _do_ , then I don't think we could live with ourselves. Seeing Titans as mindless and void of emotion is…’ he breathes, ‘ _Easier_.’

She watches him for a long while, and he starts to get a little agitated. 

‘Look, I don't know - I just don't know, and - _look_ , I don't think I care.’

‘It's lovely.’

Levi raises his brows. ‘What is?’

‘The way you think.’

It is the first time he's felt truly intimate with another person. 

Witnessing a smile from Levi is a rare beauty, and while he doesn't necessarily _smile_ at her, it's close to it, and holds the same warmth. 

‘I can't believe I'm saying this, but…’ He leans up to kiss her, ‘I think I like the way you think too.’

She kisses him, and his lips are soft and chapped. 

‘I'm telling Erwin you said that,’ she grins. 

Any retort from Levi is immediately silenced when she starts rocking into him again. 

 

 

 

 

‘Hey, all I'm trying to explain is that when they engorge on Humans, where does the carcass go? They must have a digestive system. So, if they have a digestive system, they should be able to get rid of any waste.’

Levi has to admit: she's got a point. 

Still. ‘I'm eating.’

‘Oh, sorry. But if I could _just_ get my head around it all-’

Levi drops his spoon. Shoves her plate towards her. 

‘ _Eat_.’

 

 

 

 

 

After a long while, he grows annoyed. 

A Titan’s brain looks weird. Not to say Levi thinks brains, generally, _don’t_ look weird. But a Titan’s, in particular, is very weird. In fact, the organ simply looks swollen, bruised and not much like a brain at all. 

Slowly, he looks at Hanji, who, obviously, is inspecting the brain with great interest.

The Titan in which it came from used to reside on Levi’s desk, before he managed to convince Hanji to get rid of it. Unfortunately, this only sparked another idea in Hanji, and now, here they are. A Titan’s fucking _brain_ on his desk instead, and he really needs to ask Erwin if he would be so kind as to give Hanji her _own_ office.

Her glasses look too big for her at the moment. Levi would find it comical if he wasn’t so used to her bizarre nature.

‘Oh,’ she murmurs, delicately slicing the brain open, ‘ _Oh_.’

Levi pulls a face.

He is the best Titan killer around, and to ever exist. That much is certain.

On the other hand, that doesn’t mean he cares to _know_ about a Titan. How their brain works, whether or not they have a conscience, whether they can piss or take a shit, if they have sexual urges, if they eat anything other than people– _he really doesn’t need to know, and he really doesn’t_ ** _want_** _to know_.

_‘Wonderful_ ,’ she whispers in excitement. 

‘You’re mad,’ although, he is aware of that, and just feels the need to remind her.

‘I can’t believe it. Can you?’

‘Hm?’

‘There’s _nothing_ going on in there.’

‘Uh, that’s probably because the brain is dead.’

‘No,’ she looks at him, wide eyed. ‘There is _nothing_ going on in there. The brain might as well be _dead_ anyway.’ 

A long pause.

Levi has no clue what she’s rambling on about.

Suddenly, Hanji stands to her feet. ‘I need Jaeger.’

This isn’t good.

Before she can get to the door, Levi darts forward, blocking the exit.

_‘Why_?’ He asks.

‘I need to see his brain.’

‘What–?’

‘I need to see his brain, then I can compare; see if there’s any damage inflicted–’

‘ _Hanji_.’ She stops. Looks at him. Levi can’t understand how she can appear so _innocent_ right now. ‘Just listen to yourself. You’re asking to study Jaeger's brain. That involves surgery which will also involve fatality.’

It clicks. ‘Oh. Shit.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Never mind, then.’

She resumes to her work and, with some relief, Levi returns to his as well. 

The worst part of the job is paperwork. And it piles up like crazy. While Erwin isn’t a fan of it either, he still finds it necessary to stay up to date on the latest mission on the field. How many Titans were thwarted. Any deaths which occurred. Lately, there haven’t been any, and it’s something Levi takes pride in.

Protecting his squad is one of his primary concerns. Only those closest to him know that, behind that rough and cold exterior, he’s a good man. He has a heart. A heart which is too big for his chest.

About half an hour goes by in silence. All that can be heard is Levi scribbling away, and the odd thoughtful noise from Hanji. 

It’s inevitable, though.

Another brilliant revelation will come to her head sooner or later.

‘Ah-ha!’

Levi accidentally jumps in surprise, smudging the ink. 

‘ _Shit_.’

 

 

 

 

Coming home is usually unpleasant. 

The Survey Corps are loved and hated and desperately needed. People are _afraid_ of them. Because soldiers within the Survey Corps are a brilliant kind, a frightening kind; they aren’t Human. They are warriors, built from birth, and able to battle so many Titans at a time. It _is_ scary.

Levi isn’t exactly popular with the crowds, either. He has always been particularly _blunt_ , incapable of answering questions, and just generally an antisocial man. Personally, Levi finds that view on him unfair. He isn’t antisocial, and he wouldn’t say he’s blunt either. Just, sometimes, _people_ can be so _frustrating_.

It must be nice, hiding behind the Wall, without any idea what’s going on outside.

When his squad return, there’s blood splashed across his uniform, and it doesn’t belong to him.

‘I remember his Mother.’

They’re inside the barracks, in private, and Hanji helps strip him out of his uniform.

The blood is still wet.

‘She seemed… _happy_ for him.’

Hanji pauses, looking at his face. Levi slumps his shoulders. 

There’s no other way she can describe him; he just appears _defeated_. 

‘He was sixteen.’

‘What happened?’

‘Titan crushed him. He was running away. Horse fled before he did, so it was too late.’

‘Where were you?’

He flicks his eyes to hers. ‘Killing the Titan which killed him.’

Right now, it’s hard not to admire his brilliance. Levi has come home with a corpse, and even though he barely knew the boy, he’s outraged. He’s _mourning_ over an infant, and he’s mourning over the fact the infant’s Mother is now childless. Because it _bothers_ him. Death upsets him, and he can see death another million times, and he will still be devastated at what he has lost.

It is _this_ makes him so _fascinating_ to her. When they first met, she immediately sized him up. Levi was vicious, and angry, and heartbroken. He only joined the Survey Corps because Erwin told him to. Otherwise, he would have chosen a different path altogether. Levi struggled to get along with the other Scouts. They hated him, and he hated them. He was quiet, lonely, and bitter.

She knew who he was, though. She knew what he had been through. She knew that, _really_ , he was just a kid, like she was. That they had stepped into Hell, and hadn’t found a way out yet. She liked him. 

She liked him because his eyes are honest, his voice is honest; everything about this man is completely _honest_ , and _real_ , and he doesn’t demand her to analyse him, or study him, or obsess over him.

Because he’s just _Levi_. In his amazing, broken self.

‘What?’ He asks.

She is staring again.

This time, however, she’s staring at _him_.

Snapped out of her reverie, she blushes a deep scarlet. ‘Nothing!’ More as a distraction than anything, she grabs his uniform which is spilt across the floor, and starts to fold it up. This, Levi finds odd. Hanji isn’t one who cares for mess.

Which makes him wonder how on _earth_ they actually get on.

‘Hold on a second.’

She pauses, shirt in her hands.

‘It’s inside out. Don’t fold it inside out.’

‘Why?’

‘I just – Please, just don’t do that.’

Seeing him this way is like a fairytale.

Fairytale.

She frowns. Why fairytale? Fairytales are sweet, and unrealistic, and full of magic. Levi is _none_ of those things. 

So, why fairytale? Why does he remind her of a fairytale? 

He is small, and he is naked, and his shoulder is bruised, and he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her with dark eyes and a crinkled forehead, one hand on his knee, the other on his thigh, and they watch each other. His hair has fallen over his eyes, and his lips are too red, they’re too sore, and he’s breathing too heavily, which doesn’t make any sense because he’s just been _sitting_ there, so why would he breathing heavily?

And in all of that mess which he is, he’s utterly and shockingly _beautiful_. 

She suddenly doesn’t want him any other way. Suddenly, this man just makes _sense_ to her; the only entity on this _fucked up_ planet who actually makes _sense_. Who she understands and likes and genuinely feels a part of–

Wait, what?

Oh. _Oh_. Right. _Shit_. 

That feeling. It’s _that_ feeling which she is feeling. 

The feeling you feel when you feel a _lot_ for somebody. 

He is _perfect_.

Fairytale. That’s why he’s a fairytale. Because he’s not glamorous or a prince or anything _close_ to that, God forbid, but–

_Perfect_.

‘Uh oh.’

Levi frowns. ‘What’re you thinking about _now_?’

She looks down at the shirt in her hands. What did he ask her to do again? 

Turn it inside out? Inside in turn out? 

Wait. Fuck, this is confusing. 

Hanji gives up entirely, and just drops the shirt.

‘You like the way I think.’

At first, he’s lost, then it dawns on him what she’s referring to. In the midst of their lovemaking, Levi won’t _dare_ imagine what he might have confessed. For some reason, being intimate with Hanji makes him _spill_ a little too much.

His entire body goes tense. 

‘I do?’

‘Yes. That’s what you said.’

‘Well,’ he looks away, then back at her, ‘I guess that means that I do. Why? What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘I haven’t removed the brain from your desk, I need to do that, sorry–’

‘Hanji–’

‘I think I love you.’

No one has ever _loved_ Levi before. 

Hated, yes. Liked, yes. Respected, yes. _Feared_ , yes.

But not loved.

They are both stunned by what Hanji has voiced. She notices how he has _definitely_ stopped breathing now, how his shoulders are rigid, and his eyes are too wide, and she can’t actually tell if he’s in horror or in shock or actually _okay_ about all of this.

What he does feel, she can’t tell, and it’s _torture_ trying to figure it out.

The very second she turns away, actually _considers reconsidering_ , Levi jumps to his feet and grabs her.

He _grabs_ her. 

Like a frightened beast, like a man who is terrified he might be left to his thoughts; like a soldier who simply doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

She looks at him. He looks at her.

And her lungs nearly cave in.

Because he looks at her like he hasn’t looked at anybody else in his life.

‘Say that again.’

It’s a dare. It’s a threat. It’s a need. It’s an uncertainty.

She tries to say anything _but_ that. 

When has she ever been in control of her own voice, though?

‘I _love_ you.’

‘Oh,’ he breathes, his eyes falling to her lips, then her eyes again. ‘I see.’

It is almost _unnatural_ for Hanji to be this quiet.

‘What?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘What do you want to say?’

‘I don’t know,’ he whispers. ‘I–’

_love you too. I always have. I won’t stop loving you. I think I’ve loved you from the day I first met you, but I can’t be sure, because you’re so fucking insane, I don’t know what’s what with you anymore, however I know, I am sure, I_ **_have_ ** _to be sure, that when I’m with you, when I kiss you, when I fuck you, I just–_

‘... love you.’

Neither know what to do.

They haven’t ever been in this situation before. 

These fucking geniuses have _no idea_ what to do with each other.

So, for once, Hanji does the most obvious thing in the world, and kisses his mouth.

He tastes familiar.

His smile on her lips is wonky. _Happy_. 

She likes that. Him. Happy. 

Him and her. 

And this crazy thing called happy.


End file.
